I really need to utilize this blog more frequently to liberate myself from some of the overwhelming situations that have occurred recently. Visits continue to take place with the bios and continue to haunt this little boy. This morning he decided he was upset enough to tell me he was going to choke me, his grandmother, and our dog. He is at least learning to verbalize his aggression rather than just act on it, but it still scares me. Will I honestly need to keep my door locked to be able to sleep through the night without worrying he may act on his impulses? It's certainly not the life I had imagined.
Still hoping that in another month we may finally get a resolution to his case. Can't wait to get the call that he can be forever mine! 19 months of this ongoing battle is enough.
In baby news, I'm still trying. It kills me to see that nearly every facebook friend has changed their profile picture to a baby sonogram picture. It makes me want to rip my heart out. I'm trying some special baby making medicine with a prayer that this may finally be enough to create the magic! Having something good to focus on instead of the constant sadness around this place will be a pleasant change. Things happen for a reason, I'm just trying to take in the ability to accept that I am not in control of this life!
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